Sudden changes, loss, and grief...

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Posted by Ken in SF (other posts) on February 06, 2014 at 18:01:48:

In Reply to: Boyfriend's new short haircut posted by Rob on January 24, 2014 at 07:27:04:

WOW, that's a shock, a difficult sudden change to have to deal with, and brings up a lot of questions to have to figure out how and/or if it's going to alter your future as a couple together.

I loved Gordon's reply to you, below; plus many other excellent replies -- a lot of great food for thought!

When I impulsively cut off my waist-length hair to short (traditional male length) back in Y2K, I was single at the time; so the only person that felt truly devastated about the sudden change was me! Needless to say, I learned a lot of valuable lessons from the experience, as well as grew my hair back to long as fast as Mother Nature would allow -- and I doubt I will ever do that stupid mistake in the future EVER again!! I believe I am meant to be a longhair for life (assuming I don't get any terrible illness that would make it all fall out, or some crazed Nazi attack me and shave it off against my will -- neither situation of which I would have any control over; so I would cross that bridge when/if I ever have to)...

Emotionally speaking, it's not all that abnormal for those of us who love long hair on men to feel a bit sad at the sight of someone we used to see as a longhair suddenly go to short; but if NOT in a relationship with that guy, then the appropriate thing to do is simply, "live and let live" -- if the former longhaired person is happy being short-haired now, then the correct thing to do in that case is to be supportive (just as we want them to be supportive of our choice to continue to be longhaired).

I have no experience, however, of being in a RELATIONSHIP with another longhaired guy who suddenly and unilaterally decides to cut his mane off.... That's a tough one, and is totally unchartered territory for me to know what to say or advise. Had he discussed his desire to go to short beforehand, that would have seemed more courteous towards your relationship (even though I realize that it's his own hair on his own head, which he always has the right to do as he pleases).

The only suggestion I can make right now is to have a lot of long talks with him right now, to tell him how you feel (even if the communication hurts)...

My best to you, and my condolences over your loss (and it's not silly to say that, as it is indeed a loss that brings some degree of grief, even if the majority of the world doesn't understand this).

- Ken in San Francisco

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