Re: Boyfriend's new short haircut

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Posted by Ed in Mexico (other posts) on January 27, 2014 at 04:34:46:

In Reply to: Boyfriend's new short haircut posted by Rob on January 24, 2014 at 07:27:04:

: I'm trying to make peace with my boyfriend's new 2" haircut that he showed up with little warning last weekend. I know it's just hair and in theory it shouldn't be a big deal, but I'm still finding myself feeling occasionally sad, depressed, or hurt. Wherever we went, we were always the longhair couple, and now that won't be the case anymore. I'm almost expecting the "When are you going to get YOUR hair cut, Rob?" comments. Of course our relationship has been based on more than just both of us being longhairs, but that particular detail mattered to me. Anybody else been through this and have some perspective to offer? Thanks, Rob

When I met my man almost 7 years ago he had short hair and a variety of beard and or goatees ( a padlock), his hair grows really fast. My hair is shoulder blade length almost always pulled back in a ponytail, and I also have a goatee, was full bearded for almost 30 years. Last few years he has grown his hair out, is now longer than mine, thick black beautiful hair. Recently he shaved off his beard and mustache. Big shock to me. Changes his appearance drastically. One of our "jokes" is that he looks like his nephew and I never thought I would "be with his nephew". It would start to grow back in and I would be hopeful and then he would emerge shaven again... so it was time for me to have some long talks with myself. Then with him. Obviously, why was first on my list. Looking younger...his canas (white hairs) are growing in on his chin and the white on black is fuerte (strong, obvious) was first on his list. The fact that I'm years older than he is makes this being older thing "interesting" to say the least. Since living here in Mexico and especially since being with him I dye my beard and mustache. I use castanyo (dark ash blonde) which is my natural hair color and my beard was much darker originally so I don't feel so obvious here among men with jet black hair and beards... nor do I feel the age difference as much... so I totally understand his dealing with age and white hairs and all but... back to my preferences, back to the fact that he looks so much more handsome and attractive to me with the beard. He isn't ready to dye his chin hairs black, an even easier dye job than mine is, and assumes that the roots will show almost immediately. Long story getting a bit longer, hope you're still with me. After months totally shaven he has gone back to his goatee and mustache and he knows that I am much much happier with the look, which is where I hope you and your boyfriend will end up, dealing with the look. My man "teases" me about cutting his hair short again and I "tease" right back, but at the same time he knows how much I love his hair and his look. I've cut my hair shorter twice in what, twenty years? The shock is SO intense that I won't bother with that again. Same with the beard, twice in about 30 years, and again, a shock so intense, no way, I know I am exactly the same guy I was before cutting it but can't look at myself in the mirror. And although it is really subtle, people relate to me differently so in a sense I'm not projecting the same "self" as I was.

So I will try to end this with that thought, you know you're the same guy long hair or short, bearded or not, and you know your boyfriend is still the same guy... but you are also dealing with the way you are projecting yourself when making such a drastic change in appearance. He has changed the way he is projecting himself... to you... to everyone else... and the way he sees himself (at least in the mirror). You are now forced to deal with it. You will just have to "go with it"... but you don't know where it will take you. Will it have an impact on your relationship? Yes, it already has. How big an impact? What kind of impact and "changes" will it bring? Probably a mixed bag... both good and bad... might take you both to some good places... being able to be (and look) totally different can be a good thing. My being Anglo and my man being a Mexican has meant being different from the beginning. We were talking about how some couples look almost like twins or brothers in every detail, even mannerisms... how does that come about? We ended that conversation by affirming that we like our differences... I love being so white, blue eyed, in the arms of my man so dark, black haired, black eyed. I will save what being a bicultural couple can be about... and bilingual... much more profound. He knows that I love his long hair and his macho beard and mustache... and as we age? my hair goes white? It is thinning but I probably won't go bald, his dad did... shaved heads? cancer treatments? total body tattoos? He also "teases" me about shaving off all is body hair... and I told him I'm not sure what that would do... where that would take me... pollo...chicken...and I translate that it is plucked chicken in English. Go with it... explore it all... keep us posted about where it takes you, takes you both.

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